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If Chetan Bhagat were to pen (or rather, MS word) this article, he’d have probably done away with the introduction by shooting his Let-Me-Tell-You-What-This-Article-Is-Not-About disclaimers, which would go something like — “This article is not a Coming-of-Age story of a nubile enchantress, it’s NOT a story of (just) three idiots, it’s not the story of ‘The Two States’ and it’s not a story.”

It’s rather about the life of ventriloquists and puppets of today’s world. It’s about a lot more educated fools, and about one state which is on the brink of being two.

More, this is reality.

Mr. Student

Lately, it seems like Mr. Student has made some new friends – the high-rise building and the matchstick. The tormenting body piercings are now a fashion of the bygone era. The hippest and the most happening thing today is self-annihilation. It’s more like an elevated version of crowd-surfing (way too elevated, one can say) with the crowd standing at a safe distance or it’s just like holding a cigarette between the lips and lighting it from the other end! The intriguing thing is, Mr. Student manages to do all this despite the innumerous petrol bunk bandhs and dearth of anything close to what can be called a ‘high-rise’ building. “The suicides should be discouraged. It’s not the way of going about with the issue. It might as well give rise to anti-social elements and people can be killed in the name of these suicides and get away with it”, opines Nitin Kumar Jindhula of CVR College of Engineering. Though there are different, non-destructive and a less sensational ways of retaliating, there’s this essence of heroism missing in them. So why would Mr. Student want to take to such a lowly approach? He’s Mr. STUDENT, remember? The invincible force when the exam papers are not around! And as long as Mr. Student is helping feed the teleprompter that’s increasing the viewer base of the various news channels, nobody is complaining. Not even the fellow students for that matter. In fact, they keep hoping and praying that someone lends Mr. Student a lighted match or a route map to the tallest cell phone tower in the city so that THEY get an extension for submitting that assignment of theirs! Ha! Long live his motto!

Mr. Politician:

Playing Politics? Credits: AP Government

Lately, this guy has been busy emulating the eccentrically diet-conscious teenage girls, for he seems to have developed a new fad – fasting. It so much seems like a ‘healthy’ change is taking over the political world. Perhaps everyone will soon get to see a ‘fit’ Mr. Politician (in pretty much a ‘figure’ative sense!) taking charge. Surely, Mr. Gargantuan-pot-bellied politician is going to be extinct. But before one could croon the What-An-Idea-Sirji tune, it is better we check out each other’s heads. One might as well find a dunce’s cap there! Amidst all the chaos of the all-glorified fast-for-a-cause chaos, something is already gone extinct – THE CAUSE ITSELF.

“It is unacceptable. The whole thing is just a publicity stunt. If we start giving in to such demands, even someone like you or I can resort to fasting for some stupid reason.” Parvathi Das, a student of Bhavans College, voices her opinion. If there were TRPs for individuals, then Mr. fast-unto-death politician would have topped the ratings, for the fasting tactic is more of putting oneself before the cause than putting the cause first; in a nutshell, an attention grabber. Had it only been the other way around, either most of the lanes would have already had roads or most of Mr. Politician’s community would have been dead. Either way, the world would have been a happier place to live in!

Mr. News Reporter:

Glorified News Sense. Credits: Wording Noise

These days, the news channels are as lit up as the Diwali sky. The exploding news flashes and the breaking news clamors just wouldn’t stop. And Mr. News Reporter doesn’t want this dream run of his career to end anytime soon. Hence, he’s making the most of it. One misplaced article or one out-of-the-place adjective is enough to provide livelihood for the whole media industry for years on end. Considering that, the present scenario is a kick of serendipity right in the locker for Mr. News Reporter! Jackpot! And in the process of news reporting, a lot of extra garnishing is done by Mr. Reporter, along with some extra editing, and  a mountain is made out of what might have been an ant hill. Often, among what’s edited out, is something everyone has forgotten about – the truth. The theme of secessionism is the one they have been banking on lately. “Media is very manipulative. The coverage is often pretty biased and there’s seldom any truth in it. Mostly, they show unnecessary details which are way too hyped and sensationalised”, opines Sowmya, a B.Com Regulars student of Bhavans Degree College.

The students want the colleges closed down, the politicians want to use this for amassing votes and the media wants all this to happen for their coverages. Everyone is running after their own selfish motive, and call it a common cause! Can it get any crazier?

P.S. At the end of it all, the Everyone-Lived-Happily-Ever-After part gets screened out by the editors (of the real world, yeah) and is left to gather dust in the drafts section. It gets to wait till the story comes to an end.